He's not finished with me yet!

The car had been sitting in the pouring rain for almost 3 hours in stand-still traffic before finally breaking past the police officer who was blocking the left lane and slowing things down. It couldn't have been more than 5 or 10 minutes of steady driving before the accident happened. The car was moving along about 60 mph when the driver felt it begin to drift to the right. The driver tried to make a correction with the steering wheel, hesitated on hitting the brake, and then instinct took over. The tap on the brake sent the car further to the right; an adjustment in the opposite direction with the wheel made minimal difference, and with a second push on the brake pedal, the car swung the rest of the way to the right and the driver knew the vehicle was no longer under control. The driver was oriented enough to know the car had completed a 180 and was now sliding backwards and down into the ditch.

The sound of rock raking and cutting into glass drowned out the sound of the driver shouting, "Please, Lord Jesus; God protect me. Jesus, please."
Even that wasn't enough to drown out the thoughts.

Is this it? What is going to happen before the car stops?

The interior grew darker, signifying that the car had turned upside down, and it continued to slide a few more feet, rock scraping metal now, until coming to a stop.

Still here. Gotta get out of the car.
"Okay calm down; stay calm and think."
The driver's mind and mouth were in competition.

Gotta get out; how do people stay in here for hours?
"No, just get calm and think."
I need out of here.
"Lord, please just get me out of here. Please let me out of here!"

Recalling a previous wreck, the driver reached for the window button to roll it down.

Can get out the window. Ok.
Turn the car off.
"Stay calm."

Hearing that the car was still running, the driver reached out a finger and hit the keyless start button, then kicked of the remaining, dangling flip flop.

Seat belt.

Releasing the seat belt made the driver realize things were still upside down.
The first attempt out the driver side window was unsuccessful -- the bank was too close and too steep.

"Lord, please, don't let me stay in here. Just get me outta here."
Think. Cell phone. Other side.

The driver reached up, no, down; there was a gaping hole where the ash tray and cell phone had flung out. Then, crawling across the black and shattered sunroof to the other side, the driver envisioned a vehicle stopped in the middle of the intersection in front of her apartment complex. Not too many months ago, this had been the scene of an accident where the operator of the vehicle had to be cut out by emergency services because the door of their car had been pushed in by a side-on collision. Now the image pushed into the forefront of this driver's mind as she reached for the window button on the passenger side.... down, no, up.

Almost to freedom, she slid out and up the rocky, muddy slope on her stomach, rain hitting her face as she emerged from the cover of the upside down vehicle. Turning around, her back against the slippery, jagged slope, she sat down on a rock ledge and pushed up with her arms behind her, releasing her legs from the gaping window. In an effort to get far from the vehicle, she turned, climbed a foot or two and sat again.

Looking down through the rain from a few feet above the metal bottom of the car, heart racing, breathing out the deepest breath since the car first lost control, I put my elbows on my knees, my face in my hands and cried, "Thank you, Lord; Oh Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

A young man's voice shouted, "Are you okay? Is anyone else in the vehicle?" I looked up already knowing two cars had pulled over just up the interstate; I patted my legs and said, "I'm fine. There's no one else, just me." They immediately began calling 911, and one of the ladies helped me climb down from the wet, rocky, embankment and across the ditch which was quickly filling ankle-deep with water from the downpour. The young man, in scrubs, looked at me eyes wide and repeated 2 or 3 more times in disbelief, "Are you sure you're okay?"
He walked me to his car and waited with me for the police to arrive. He was a doctor in his residency at Vanderbilt, and soon began asking me questions and assessing whether my answers were coherent.
It was a long time before I was able to make decent conversation with the doctor. I gave him only quick responses before checking the wreckage over my shoulder again and again through the passenger window of his upright SUV. I could only wonder how I just crawled out from that mess. Without a single scratch. Not a cut, not a bruise, no pain... Nothing. The answer to his question came the same each time... I'm fine...

My hands were unsteady and I wrung them til they were dry. My clothes were sopping wet and my hair clung to me, drenched from the rain. I wasn't cold but I shook to the bone. The sight of my car made my stomach turn, and my head began to ache. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, none of which I can remember, except that I wanted to throw up, and also that my parents were nearly a hundred miles away. And then, something that had been repeating in my mind over and over finally pushed it's way to the surface and took on its lyrical form like a thunderbolt jarring my mind to the reality of what actually just happened: God brought me out of the wreckage, unharmed, for a reason.


There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
all the plans He's made for me
I'll have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet

The words to Brandon Heath's new song rang so clearly in my mind, I thought I must have been listening to it on the radio when I lost control of the car for it to keep repeating in my head the way that it was. (I later found out I was, in fact, listening to a rap station ;-) )

40 minutes passed before the police arrived, and the young doctor went on his way. 2 cops came and went, and the ambulance and fire department vehicles came, fulfilled their duties and left. The wrecker came, flipped the car; I unloaded my things, moved them to the remaining police car; and the wrecker was on his way with what was left of my car.

Both bumpers had been dragged off. The driver's side was cut deeply by the rocks, the back door pushed in. The roof and windshield from the top center of the car all the way across the driver side was spiderwebbed and mashed in. No airbags deployed; I had been protected only by my seatbelt, and the hands of my Father.
At the wreck site, I stood, nauseated, and stared for a long hour at the sharp-edged embankment covered by unearthed mud and the long grasses and sticks that were pulled in the direction of my car for a good ten yards at least. I could and can still hear the rock scraping the glass. Every detail, every thought you read (among others) plays out clearly in my mind. The most pressing of all: Is this it?

Well, that wasn't it. And knowing just a couple of days ago my breath of existence was questionable -- friend, I can't explain to you what it's like to live and breath and walk with the factual assurance that God kept me on earth for a reason. I'll be thankful if next time I can be assured by faith alone; and hopefully God won't have to flip me upside down to remind me each day that I'm still here means that my Kingdom work is not yet complete.

Phil 1:6
"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. "
Jer 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Good ol' Southern gospel time

God warped my Sunday schedule a little bit -- missed my Sunday afternoon nap, canceled Bible study with the high schoolers, and skipped church at Sevier Heights... so I could attend service at a small church in Elk Valley, TN.
This small, rural valley about an hour north of Knoxville is the location of our high schoolers' recent mission trip. New Canaan church is a small, one room, white church building with a bell that the pastor rings to let the community know it's time to gather in the Lord's house and worship together. The congregation consisted of maybe thirty people. The pastor played the piano, his son the electric guitar, while the choir stood at the front on-stage and led the members and visitors in numbered hymns from books kept in the backs of the pews.
The altar stood front and center of the aisle, prepared for elbows, fists, and tears.
I listened to "amen's" and grunts of agreement, watched hands raised, and an older gentleman stand and clap solo.
The worship was so moving and the congregation continued to throw out requests to be played. We sang for an hour and a half, led by the Spirit, and the preacher didn't even give a sermon.

It was wonderful to participate in a service that flowed so freely, without structure or bounds. And the simple, country way worship was led in this austere sanctuary took me back to a small church in Finger, TN where I was saved, and reminded me of the excitement, depth, and meaning of my first love.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours...

I'm officially the worst blogger ever. Here's my June post I guess haha....

Having trouble getting focused. The stress of working with so many broken families is weighing heavily on me this week in particular for some reason. The bruises on a young child's arms brought me down to tears this week, and I protested why the world must be so evil.
But I know my God has His merciful hand on us all. How undeserving are we, and yet how blessed that He offers us grace to cover our hideous sins!
I accept it, Lord, because I know that I need it as much as every murderer, adulterer, and thief that ever lived!

In my grief this week, I remembered my friend overseas who is combating sex trafficking, and in all my hurt, I knew his angst must be ten thousand times worse, battling the evils of lust and his own righteous anger from day to day. My prayers go out to you, my friend, if I can understand even a portion of the pain you must suffer and battle not to become accustomed to each day. God's strength for you, because I know it is the only strength that will do.

You think you know what hurt and brokenness is in the world... until you visit it daily at your back door. Until you develop a relationship with the people and know their thoughts and their responses -- and why they think and react that way.
Can you imagine trying to change that without presenting them boldly with the only real reason to change their lives and be different???
Neither can I.
That's why I pray for the Spirit to fill me in each session, in each conversation, in order that God may be manifest through me, and that He will be glorified in what I present.
As I said, I am struggling this week with maintaining that focus.

Refreshing lyrics from the song Hosanna are my prayer as I write this. Please pray for my friend overseas as well, and the women he is working to free. And also for the child with bruises.

Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause.

Max Q

We launched the Bible study!!

Sunday night 05/24/09 was our introductory night for Max Q-- Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall's student journal on becoming a student of influence without being influenced!

7 girls showed up, 15 books are ordered for those interested. We went over the introduction of the book and I got some feedback from the girls who were there, which was encouraging!

Turned out the girls were just as excited about the study as I am, and they seemed satisfied with the text selection. We'll be revisiting 1 Tim 4 several times throughout the study also.

*******

We took a break on 05/31 because the high schoolers took a mission trip, and we re-convened on 06/07 for our first week of the study. We took a look at having lost friends -- why we do, why we don't, and why we should!!
We're picking back up next week with week 2 of the study -- why it's worth it to face persecution in order to be a student of influence for Christ!

My Personal Theme Song

I would just like to thank Emily for pointing me in the direction of this lyrical genius. It is by far the theme to both her life and my own.

A little musical snack to prove to you that Christian comedy can be funny too :-)

Click here to watch the video.... and if you know how to post a youtube video on here where you can play it without navigating away from the page, that would be much cooler, so educate me please :-)

Next Endeavor

God has recently called me to lead a Bible study over the summer for our church's rising high school juniors and seniors. I told the idea to two people and... BAM! the class dates, time, and room were approved before I even had time to think about it.
Excited? Yes!
Nervous? I am now!!
How do I know it was God's plan and not my own? God didn't give me the chance to even think about saying no. I'll take that as a direct order from my Lord, and do my best to serve Him.

So I'm searching for books on student leadership, and seeking Godly counsel on which study I should pursue. The girls I'll be studying with are grounded and mature in their faith, and I feel that God is leading me to seize the opportunity to direct them to be confident and strong Christian leaders as they step into the world, their schools, and stand up among their youth group as well.

If you have any suggestions for applicable studies, please give me your input! And I'll gratefully accept your prayers. I want to take on this endeavor with humility and wisdom, and I'll more than need the Holy Spirit's guidance as I lead these young Christians into the leadership roles God has for them.

1 Timothy 4:11-13
11Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.

Do this in remembrance...

Have you ever faced taking the Lord's Supper when you know your heart isn't right? I'll just be honest, very few things in life scare me more than this. I put it right up there with standing in the middle of a busy highway intersection. Here's why. I'm gonna go ahead and pass on "eating and drinking judgment" on myself.
I found myself in this position a few weeks ago, facing this fear, or conviction, standing in a long line of people facing the front of the church and waiting to take communion, heart racing, and feeling a little like Ananias.
I had the choice to examine myself, confess, and give Jesus my whole heart. Or to be like Ananias and hold back the portion I wasn't ready to commit to Him, lying to God and coming to Him in an unworthy manner.
I give glory to God in saying that I made the right choice. (Making the right choice doesn't seem so hard when you're looking at following the example of someone who was immediately struck dead for withholding from God!)

My heart examined, I knew there was something holding me back from Him. I was hanging onto something. It was creating a gap in my life. It had become a stronghold, and I didn't even realize it. I just knew what I had to do -- and I did it that night. Words... they were just words... I had said them to God before, and all I had to do was repeat them out loud to the right person. I had no idea that in doing so, I would be letting go of such a heavy chain. I dropped a burden that night which I was unaware I was even carrying.

God knew my heart. He knew I was hanging onto unnecessary baggage, and He wanted me to be free. He called me to do His will, and when I was obedient, He lifted my burden and made me feel more complete. I don't know anyone else who can do this.

1Kings 8:23 ..."O LORD, God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.