Have you ever faced taking the Lord's Supper when you know your heart isn't right? I'll just be honest, very few things in life scare me more than this. I put it right up there with standing in the middle of a busy highway intersection. Here's why. I'm gonna go ahead and pass on "eating and drinking judgment" on myself.
I found myself in this position a few weeks ago, facing this fear, or conviction, standing in a long line of people facing the front of the church and waiting to take communion, heart racing, and feeling a little like Ananias.
I had the choice to examine myself, confess, and give Jesus my whole heart. Or to be like Ananias and hold back the portion I wasn't ready to commit to Him, lying to God and coming to Him in an unworthy manner.
I give glory to God in saying that I made the right choice. (Making the right choice doesn't seem so hard when you're looking at following the example of someone who was immediately struck dead for withholding from God!)
My heart examined, I knew there was something holding me back from Him. I was hanging onto something. It was creating a gap in my life. It had become a stronghold, and I didn't even realize it. I just knew what I had to do -- and I did it that night. Words... they were just words... I had said them to God before, and all I had to do was repeat them out loud to the right person. I had no idea that in doing so, I would be letting go of such a heavy chain. I dropped a burden that night which I was unaware I was even carrying.
God knew my heart. He knew I was hanging onto unnecessary baggage, and He wanted me to be free. He called me to do His will, and when I was obedient, He lifted my burden and made me feel more complete. I don't know anyone else who can do this.
1Kings 8:23 ..."O LORD, God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.
Wow Mo', this is tough stuff. I struggled with this a lot growing up bc we took communion every Sunday. It was difficult to keep it from slipping into routine. "Examining yourself" is such an exposing task, and I'm often afraid of it.
ReplyDeleteYou should know that I enjoy reading your blog bc your sincerity and coarse honesty bursts off the page. I guess that's the pursuit. I hope you never lose it. Thanks for being an example to me of a heart pursuing Him.