Book Review?

Let me just say that I am completely and utterly obsessed..... with the Twilight Saga. Don't stop reading. I am only slightly embarassed to admit it; I guess I've come to terms with the fact that despite trying not to be "of the world" I still fall victim to natural human longings.
Aaaand, being a counselor, I of course psycho-analyzed my obsession and broke it down into the following discourse. As I'm clearly not the only woman in the US who enjoyed the book thoroughly, you should pay attention and see if this applies to you too ;-)

Bella, the more than clumsy, desires-to-be heroine of the book with less than perfect features and a self esteem problem, does have the ability to make her readers laugh out loud in an empty room -- don't lie you did it, too -- and (case in point) relate. Don't we all want to feel like the outcast when we analyze the qualities of each person in a new setting while we subconsciously select which ones make us feel the most comfortable and accepted.
And who doesn't understand the fear that every athletically incompetent (or even semi-competent) girl has felt at some point while being asked to perform a physical activity in front of a crowd of peers? The difference is that fear sends most of us to the sidelines, while Bella forces us to experience with her the humility of serving a ball into the flashy smile of a barely-acquaintance of the opposite gender.
Well, the one area in which every girl can find a common ground with Bella is... dum dum dum... Edward. Oh you knew it was coming. So obvious... but Why?

I mean, I personally have never longed for an icy cold boyfriend to snuggle up to... never yearned for a guy who'd rather eat (or drink from) me than take me on a date... not really ever been interested in someone who was going to continue looking smokin' hot while I shrivel into convalescence and drown in the sorrows of my insecurity (I'm rather looking forward to not giving a rat's tail about what I look like when I'm 65! Let's just be honest...)
But there's something about Edward Cullen... And I think I can name a few things that are slightly more appealing to Bella, and the American female reader... some of the real reasons why Twilight has been the craze and continues to grip our gender in its paperback grasps.


What is every girl looking for?

Comfort and Security
Edward is SUPER-strong/fast and with his ability to read minds, he is always one step ahead. That certainly offers Bella a level of protection against the odds (which in her clumsy case is highly necessary) that provides her with the knowledge that very little could actually place her in danger. I mean she has an indestructible guardian who knows what everyone is thinking and has a sister watching Bella's future to warn him of any impending danger. As a result, Bella always feels safe, and we as readers feel safe for her. No worries!

Devoted Love and unhindered affection... that lasts... eternally
Edward will live forever. And Bella has the option, if she so chooses (don't worry I won't ruin it for you if you haven't read all the books) to become immortal as well, spending the rest of their undead lives, or at least the rest of time at the finite world's expense, together! Well, isn't that what every girl wants... a doting male with eyes ONLY for her, shunning every other girl (or really not even noticing any other girl), and to top it all off, one that will never ever go away? Even those who are married (and living in the realistic world where there are no vampires) want to believe that after this life there is some existence in which they will be united with their "soul mates." I'd like to think that someday I'll be in Heaven praising Jesus with my mate from this earthly life.
But who knows what comes next? Well, Bella does... at least she has the option of knowing. Must be nice, wouldn't the feminine world agree?

Attraction
Oh come on, like I wasn't going to mention the fact that Edward has unsurpassable physical qualities... he's hot! He's got rock hard abs, bronze hair, amber-colored eyes for crying out loud, and the guy glitters in the sunlight! I mean geez! (You know we girls are suckers for anything sparkly, right? I worry that my roommate's eyes will pop out of her head like a paperclip drawn to a magnet when a woman with bling on her left hand is anywhere within a 10 foot radius.)
Ok, ok, female hormones aside, that's not the attraction I want to point out, though it is important. The attraction I'm talking about is the pull of something good. She knows Edward's heart is kind; sees his humanity, no pun intended, when he confesses drinking animal blood instead of human and proclaiming how he does not want to be a monster; and adores his selflessness as he blames himself for every fault and takes responsibility for every course of action with its negative result. In short, Edward accepts all of Bella's faults and even takes responsibility for the pitiful choices she makes which never-surprisingly lead to some kind of small disaster or greater course of compromise. Then he takes those choices, and well, to put it simply, fixes everything while protecting her. Sigh. Clearly, this is not really about attraction, but more about redemption.

I think you're probably beginning to see where I'm going with this :-)

Bella has what we all dream about... a perfect, safe, unhindered, redeeming type of love relationship. The one you only read about in books. The kind we women think we can never find in a man!
I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but it's true; you can't find that type of love in a man -- but you can find it.

That true love story IS real; and it's offered to every woman (and every man, technically).
Jesus offers that love story.. he offers us unconditional, unhindered, redeeming, and eternal love love LOVE! We just choose to sit up late reading about it in a clearly fictional book about vampires; we immerse ourselves in one of our favorite Notebook-esque movies; or we put the weight and responsibility of it on the shoulders of another sinful, imperfect human being... and find ourselves disappointed when he inevitably fails to meet our exceptionally high expectations.

Easily we could receive that perfect love... could make ourselves the heroine of that epic love tale... by accepting the gift that Christ offers us -- the love He wants to share; but that's so hard to do. And why? All because it's not tangible. We can't touch, see, or hear Him, in the literal sense, and so we don't accept Him as number one. We put Him number 2, 3, or 4 -- behind the movie, book, or blameless male.

I think we can all be a part of our own novels of true love and right relationships. If we do things the way God intended, by knowing Him first and finding ultimate satisfaction in His completeness, I believe we can survive and thrive in the imperfect human relationships we endeavor to maintain. Because when we are satisfied in God, the disappointments of the world don't seem nearly as detrimental or destructive. When we are satisfied with the Lord, forgiveness and mercy are at our fingertips to overcome human error. And when we are satisfied in Christ Jesus, we don't have to try to settle for finding true love in a book or movie -- we have that perfect love in us and it automatically overflows so we can share it with others.

Question Mark

Humility. I always wonder to myself, "Am I humble?" I think if I were to answer in the positive, it would negate any sense of humility I might previously have carried. But to answer in the negative makes me feel as though I am lacking a certain level of confidence that we must carry in order to allow ourselves to be used effectively. It would be debilitating not to be confident to some extent -- the key is to find confidence in Christ, I believe, and not in ourselves.

Wait. Is that where humility comes from? Finding confidence in Christ to accomplish, and forgetting myself completely. But then, do you ever realize you've completed this task? And if you do, does that negate your humility??



I think I'm going in circles.... it hurts my brain.



Lord, You are sovereign. You are Creator of all things. You are bigger than all things. Remind me that You are all there is, and allow me to forget myself. I don't care whether I am aware of my humility, just help me not to be prideful, and make me aware of Your Greatness.

amen

Philippians 2:1-3
"Imitating Christ's Humility"
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Ramblings

I think I'm officially the worst blogger ever. I doubt if anyone even checks to read anymore because I don't update frequent enough to draw attention. I think it's a general blogging rule that to maintain consistent interest, you should post once every 2-3 weeks, or at least monthly. I fail. haha oh well

One thing blogging has taught me is that I love to write and reflect. And that I wish I had more time to do so.

I think I'll just ramble a little tonight. I've learned a lot from God lately. Or I should say I've had to be reminded of a lot of things, which isn't as positive as learning, but keeps me in check nonetheless.

1. REST. God says to rest in Him. And I cannot go on unless I do. Or at least my goings-on are pointless without re-energizing in Him by setting my mind and heart on Him and His purpose.

2. I'm a masterpiece. No one can do what I do the way I do it and that's why God has me where He has me. This is also a product of every experience, good and bad, that I've been through. All a product of God's sovereign will. And my thoughts about myself should bring glory to Him when I look at myself from that perspective.

3. My purpose is to be Holy and...eventually...someday... be like Him.

4. It's not about me. Even number 3 is not about me. Being Holy is about bringing glory to Him. Being Holy is about pouring out to others what He has filled up in me. I'm not commanded to be holy just for self-betterification (you like that one?). It's not about me :-)

5. I am who He has created me to be. My prayer should not always be for His creation to be changed, but rather that I will surrender this creation to His use. (And leave Him to determine what areas need to be changed, molded, to be made holy.)


Also, I'm a little obsessed with the Jimmy Needham cd. You should download it or buy it. It's a little blues-y and his voice is mmm-hmmm. Let me know if you likey ;-)

Come Around
"We pass out paper facts all week but they won’t come around
We can debate theology but they won’t come around
Apologetic reasoning but they won’t come around, come around
There’s only one way they’ll come and its love"

A Tale of Two Dads

The first is the father of Eleanor. Easily the biggest fan of Israeli women's softball, with her wispy blonde curls fighting the wind underneath her white, over-size, backwards baseball cap, she quickly charmed everyone at the field into being "her friend." Anything but shy, she humorously informed me that "mosquito came to town" on my kneecap. She then educated me on the Hebrew name of the Israeli version of a ladybug, which happened to be her favorite. We sat in the stands, lemonade pops dripping stickily down arms and onto the bleachers, and I taught her how to cheer the team on; at least until it was time to wash the sugary sweet lemon juice off her arms. I leapt at the opportunity because Eleanor made you smile with her contagious and addictive four-year-old personality.
What does this have to do with Eleanor's father? Everything. You see, Eleanor's father brought her to a softball game a while back, and with her incredible personality, she won hearts and invitations from the players to return and watch some more games. Her father brought her back. He sat patiently while she bounded around the park, all the while keeping an eye on her. He bought her ice cream, after teaching her the patience to wait past 10 am to have it. He played catch with her when she grew tired of sitting on the uncomfortable wooden bleachers. And he taught her manners and to be polite as she made new friends all around the softball park. He gave her hugs and kisses and smiled proudly at her winning charm and personality.

The second father is an unknown name and a face of a little girl on an airplane with her mother and siblings. I don't know her name so we'll call her Anna. Anna pranced around the front of the airplane as if it were her center stage. She smiled and curtsied in her thick winter coat and denim ruffled skirt. My friend James was sitting indian-style next to me in the front section where Anna pranced around while we played cards. Anna charmed her way into our hearts as well, tip-toeing into the middle of our circle and placing a solid hand of solace on James' shoulder as though she were 30 years his elder. Then, she popped him in the nose with her tiny fist, much to our enjoyment and laughter! For several minutes she slipped in and out of our line of vision, always smiling her sweet little two-year old smile in James' direction. "She misses her father," Anna's mother informed us. "It's been a month since she's seen him, and so she likes men better."

If this were a parable, put roughly, I think it would go something like this:
There were two fathers, one each with a daughter. The first father tended to his daughter with much affection and attention, and she grew up to love him and his way and she had many friends and much laughter. The second father loved his daughter but was separated from her for a time and was unable to raise her up in his way. She strayed from him and filled the void of her father with other things in this life which were not always good.
John 15:5

There is a very LARGE and DEMANDING call from fathers. I'm not one, so I can't say that I know very much about it, but I can say it is obvious to me how important that role is just by examining the lives of young children I work with and observe in various places.

I do know about the role of my Heavenly Father, however; and that should I be separated from Him for a time, I will stray and begin to fill His void with other things which are not satisfying and cannot ultimately take His place. Nonetheless, He loves me, and if I remain with Him, I will be fruitful.

Dads, it is your job to teach your daughters about their relationship with God. You are the earthly model of what that relationship should look like, and like it or not, you are the earthly model of what that relationship will look like. Feel like that's a lot in a man's hands? Whew, I feel for ya, brothers; you better start praying about that one if you haven't already!!

The parable of this counselor

I love what I do. I love to talk about it. I have passion in my heart for the children whose lives I work to change and I can tell you exactly why I began this work and why I continue to do it, despite the trials it brings in my own life and the struggles I watch others face.
Yet I find that in the midst of my work, I lose my fervor as I drive along, day to day, house to house. I grow weary of the evils I witness (like child abuse) and also fall victim to my own selfish desires (like getting off work at a decent hour). All of these things creep in and blind me of that passion. The briars grow up in my eyes and the thorns poke me til the tears come.
So occasionally I do my job half-heartedly and accomplish very little, minus a good release of wet emotion. But I guarantee you if someone comes along and asks me what I do for a living, I can answer them in no less than a 10 minute spill on what I do and why I do it and not with false earnesty.
And so I end up with beautiful, meaningful, moving words about my passion; and dead, impactless work.
What kind of soil does that make me?

Regrettably, I find my relationship with the Lord mirroring the path my career has taken. It's so easy sometimes to tell our testimony -- to recount the story of how we came to know Christ, and how we fell in love with Him in the beginning. Of course I know why I loved God in the first place! He rescued me from the sin I was in and gave me what no one else could!!
But can I, today, say that that same passion continues to burn inside me? Or am I a smoldering pile of coal and ashes that can't even light dry thorns and briars on fire?!

Rev 2:3-5 Warns us to turn back to that initial passion. To not forget how and why we loved Jesus in the beginning of our new lives with Him.
I love this verse and think of it often when I am struggling with my relationship with God because it brings me back to the first days when I knew Him, just after meeting Him.

I still remember my friend, Lalo, in Mexico giving a sermon in which he reminded us that if you do not continue to sufficiently feed yourself with God's Word, your fire will die out. We must tend to the coals to continue the flame.

*****

And still one of the most intriguing things I find here is that Jesus used the parable of the sower as an illustration the people could relate to very long ago.
Presently and for me, He used the illustration of my job to relate to my relationship with Him. Funny how He still teaches us in parables, don't you think?

What parables is Jesus using in your life to open up your eyes to His teaching? Remember that He speaks to us not only in His Word.

Bound for the Holy Land!!

Friends, I am headed for Israel and I am PUMPED!! As the "cashier guy" I met at Wal-mart last weekend put it, "There is no place on this earth you can be that is closer to where Jesus was!"
I'm literally gonna follow in His footsteps! haha :-)

So really, we are going to be helping with the Maccabiah Jewish Olympic softball games. (Ah, I love softball.) According to my friend's blog, there may be some issues with where the games are being held due to not having appropriate licensure... you can read the article for yourself if you're interested.
What this says to me is that mean old devil doesn't like what's going on here! He may be trying to stop what God has planned. But I know Who's in charge and I'm encouraged at the thought of being a part of His mighty mighty plan for His chosen people.

You can be a part of this journey by being in prayer for my friends and I for safety in travel, clean hands and pure hearts, maintaining our health in the heat, and for open eyes to opportunities. I pray the Spirit fills us each until our cups run over. I pray that Morgan runs out quickly, so that God steps in and takes up that much more space.

I can't wait to get back and update you on the trip. God bless you and thank you for your fellowship in the Lord!

Jer 31:31
Isaiah 53:5

He's not finished with me yet!

The car had been sitting in the pouring rain for almost 3 hours in stand-still traffic before finally breaking past the police officer who was blocking the left lane and slowing things down. It couldn't have been more than 5 or 10 minutes of steady driving before the accident happened. The car was moving along about 60 mph when the driver felt it begin to drift to the right. The driver tried to make a correction with the steering wheel, hesitated on hitting the brake, and then instinct took over. The tap on the brake sent the car further to the right; an adjustment in the opposite direction with the wheel made minimal difference, and with a second push on the brake pedal, the car swung the rest of the way to the right and the driver knew the vehicle was no longer under control. The driver was oriented enough to know the car had completed a 180 and was now sliding backwards and down into the ditch.

The sound of rock raking and cutting into glass drowned out the sound of the driver shouting, "Please, Lord Jesus; God protect me. Jesus, please."
Even that wasn't enough to drown out the thoughts.

Is this it? What is going to happen before the car stops?

The interior grew darker, signifying that the car had turned upside down, and it continued to slide a few more feet, rock scraping metal now, until coming to a stop.

Still here. Gotta get out of the car.
"Okay calm down; stay calm and think."
The driver's mind and mouth were in competition.

Gotta get out; how do people stay in here for hours?
"No, just get calm and think."
I need out of here.
"Lord, please just get me out of here. Please let me out of here!"

Recalling a previous wreck, the driver reached for the window button to roll it down.

Can get out the window. Ok.
Turn the car off.
"Stay calm."

Hearing that the car was still running, the driver reached out a finger and hit the keyless start button, then kicked of the remaining, dangling flip flop.

Seat belt.

Releasing the seat belt made the driver realize things were still upside down.
The first attempt out the driver side window was unsuccessful -- the bank was too close and too steep.

"Lord, please, don't let me stay in here. Just get me outta here."
Think. Cell phone. Other side.

The driver reached up, no, down; there was a gaping hole where the ash tray and cell phone had flung out. Then, crawling across the black and shattered sunroof to the other side, the driver envisioned a vehicle stopped in the middle of the intersection in front of her apartment complex. Not too many months ago, this had been the scene of an accident where the operator of the vehicle had to be cut out by emergency services because the door of their car had been pushed in by a side-on collision. Now the image pushed into the forefront of this driver's mind as she reached for the window button on the passenger side.... down, no, up.

Almost to freedom, she slid out and up the rocky, muddy slope on her stomach, rain hitting her face as she emerged from the cover of the upside down vehicle. Turning around, her back against the slippery, jagged slope, she sat down on a rock ledge and pushed up with her arms behind her, releasing her legs from the gaping window. In an effort to get far from the vehicle, she turned, climbed a foot or two and sat again.

Looking down through the rain from a few feet above the metal bottom of the car, heart racing, breathing out the deepest breath since the car first lost control, I put my elbows on my knees, my face in my hands and cried, "Thank you, Lord; Oh Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

A young man's voice shouted, "Are you okay? Is anyone else in the vehicle?" I looked up already knowing two cars had pulled over just up the interstate; I patted my legs and said, "I'm fine. There's no one else, just me." They immediately began calling 911, and one of the ladies helped me climb down from the wet, rocky, embankment and across the ditch which was quickly filling ankle-deep with water from the downpour. The young man, in scrubs, looked at me eyes wide and repeated 2 or 3 more times in disbelief, "Are you sure you're okay?"
He walked me to his car and waited with me for the police to arrive. He was a doctor in his residency at Vanderbilt, and soon began asking me questions and assessing whether my answers were coherent.
It was a long time before I was able to make decent conversation with the doctor. I gave him only quick responses before checking the wreckage over my shoulder again and again through the passenger window of his upright SUV. I could only wonder how I just crawled out from that mess. Without a single scratch. Not a cut, not a bruise, no pain... Nothing. The answer to his question came the same each time... I'm fine...

My hands were unsteady and I wrung them til they were dry. My clothes were sopping wet and my hair clung to me, drenched from the rain. I wasn't cold but I shook to the bone. The sight of my car made my stomach turn, and my head began to ache. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind, none of which I can remember, except that I wanted to throw up, and also that my parents were nearly a hundred miles away. And then, something that had been repeating in my mind over and over finally pushed it's way to the surface and took on its lyrical form like a thunderbolt jarring my mind to the reality of what actually just happened: God brought me out of the wreckage, unharmed, for a reason.


There is hope for me yet
Because God won't forget
all the plans He's made for me
I'll have to wait and see
He's not finished with me yet

The words to Brandon Heath's new song rang so clearly in my mind, I thought I must have been listening to it on the radio when I lost control of the car for it to keep repeating in my head the way that it was. (I later found out I was, in fact, listening to a rap station ;-) )

40 minutes passed before the police arrived, and the young doctor went on his way. 2 cops came and went, and the ambulance and fire department vehicles came, fulfilled their duties and left. The wrecker came, flipped the car; I unloaded my things, moved them to the remaining police car; and the wrecker was on his way with what was left of my car.

Both bumpers had been dragged off. The driver's side was cut deeply by the rocks, the back door pushed in. The roof and windshield from the top center of the car all the way across the driver side was spiderwebbed and mashed in. No airbags deployed; I had been protected only by my seatbelt, and the hands of my Father.
At the wreck site, I stood, nauseated, and stared for a long hour at the sharp-edged embankment covered by unearthed mud and the long grasses and sticks that were pulled in the direction of my car for a good ten yards at least. I could and can still hear the rock scraping the glass. Every detail, every thought you read (among others) plays out clearly in my mind. The most pressing of all: Is this it?

Well, that wasn't it. And knowing just a couple of days ago my breath of existence was questionable -- friend, I can't explain to you what it's like to live and breath and walk with the factual assurance that God kept me on earth for a reason. I'll be thankful if next time I can be assured by faith alone; and hopefully God won't have to flip me upside down to remind me each day that I'm still here means that my Kingdom work is not yet complete.

Phil 1:6
"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. "
Jer 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Good ol' Southern gospel time

God warped my Sunday schedule a little bit -- missed my Sunday afternoon nap, canceled Bible study with the high schoolers, and skipped church at Sevier Heights... so I could attend service at a small church in Elk Valley, TN.
This small, rural valley about an hour north of Knoxville is the location of our high schoolers' recent mission trip. New Canaan church is a small, one room, white church building with a bell that the pastor rings to let the community know it's time to gather in the Lord's house and worship together. The congregation consisted of maybe thirty people. The pastor played the piano, his son the electric guitar, while the choir stood at the front on-stage and led the members and visitors in numbered hymns from books kept in the backs of the pews.
The altar stood front and center of the aisle, prepared for elbows, fists, and tears.
I listened to "amen's" and grunts of agreement, watched hands raised, and an older gentleman stand and clap solo.
The worship was so moving and the congregation continued to throw out requests to be played. We sang for an hour and a half, led by the Spirit, and the preacher didn't even give a sermon.

It was wonderful to participate in a service that flowed so freely, without structure or bounds. And the simple, country way worship was led in this austere sanctuary took me back to a small church in Finger, TN where I was saved, and reminded me of the excitement, depth, and meaning of my first love.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours...

I'm officially the worst blogger ever. Here's my June post I guess haha....

Having trouble getting focused. The stress of working with so many broken families is weighing heavily on me this week in particular for some reason. The bruises on a young child's arms brought me down to tears this week, and I protested why the world must be so evil.
But I know my God has His merciful hand on us all. How undeserving are we, and yet how blessed that He offers us grace to cover our hideous sins!
I accept it, Lord, because I know that I need it as much as every murderer, adulterer, and thief that ever lived!

In my grief this week, I remembered my friend overseas who is combating sex trafficking, and in all my hurt, I knew his angst must be ten thousand times worse, battling the evils of lust and his own righteous anger from day to day. My prayers go out to you, my friend, if I can understand even a portion of the pain you must suffer and battle not to become accustomed to each day. God's strength for you, because I know it is the only strength that will do.

You think you know what hurt and brokenness is in the world... until you visit it daily at your back door. Until you develop a relationship with the people and know their thoughts and their responses -- and why they think and react that way.
Can you imagine trying to change that without presenting them boldly with the only real reason to change their lives and be different???
Neither can I.
That's why I pray for the Spirit to fill me in each session, in each conversation, in order that God may be manifest through me, and that He will be glorified in what I present.
As I said, I am struggling this week with maintaining that focus.

Refreshing lyrics from the song Hosanna are my prayer as I write this. Please pray for my friend overseas as well, and the women he is working to free. And also for the child with bruises.

Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause.

Max Q

We launched the Bible study!!

Sunday night 05/24/09 was our introductory night for Max Q-- Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall's student journal on becoming a student of influence without being influenced!

7 girls showed up, 15 books are ordered for those interested. We went over the introduction of the book and I got some feedback from the girls who were there, which was encouraging!

Turned out the girls were just as excited about the study as I am, and they seemed satisfied with the text selection. We'll be revisiting 1 Tim 4 several times throughout the study also.

*******

We took a break on 05/31 because the high schoolers took a mission trip, and we re-convened on 06/07 for our first week of the study. We took a look at having lost friends -- why we do, why we don't, and why we should!!
We're picking back up next week with week 2 of the study -- why it's worth it to face persecution in order to be a student of influence for Christ!

My Personal Theme Song

I would just like to thank Emily for pointing me in the direction of this lyrical genius. It is by far the theme to both her life and my own.

A little musical snack to prove to you that Christian comedy can be funny too :-)

Click here to watch the video.... and if you know how to post a youtube video on here where you can play it without navigating away from the page, that would be much cooler, so educate me please :-)

Next Endeavor

God has recently called me to lead a Bible study over the summer for our church's rising high school juniors and seniors. I told the idea to two people and... BAM! the class dates, time, and room were approved before I even had time to think about it.
Excited? Yes!
Nervous? I am now!!
How do I know it was God's plan and not my own? God didn't give me the chance to even think about saying no. I'll take that as a direct order from my Lord, and do my best to serve Him.

So I'm searching for books on student leadership, and seeking Godly counsel on which study I should pursue. The girls I'll be studying with are grounded and mature in their faith, and I feel that God is leading me to seize the opportunity to direct them to be confident and strong Christian leaders as they step into the world, their schools, and stand up among their youth group as well.

If you have any suggestions for applicable studies, please give me your input! And I'll gratefully accept your prayers. I want to take on this endeavor with humility and wisdom, and I'll more than need the Holy Spirit's guidance as I lead these young Christians into the leadership roles God has for them.

1 Timothy 4:11-13
11Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.

Do this in remembrance...

Have you ever faced taking the Lord's Supper when you know your heart isn't right? I'll just be honest, very few things in life scare me more than this. I put it right up there with standing in the middle of a busy highway intersection. Here's why. I'm gonna go ahead and pass on "eating and drinking judgment" on myself.
I found myself in this position a few weeks ago, facing this fear, or conviction, standing in a long line of people facing the front of the church and waiting to take communion, heart racing, and feeling a little like Ananias.
I had the choice to examine myself, confess, and give Jesus my whole heart. Or to be like Ananias and hold back the portion I wasn't ready to commit to Him, lying to God and coming to Him in an unworthy manner.
I give glory to God in saying that I made the right choice. (Making the right choice doesn't seem so hard when you're looking at following the example of someone who was immediately struck dead for withholding from God!)

My heart examined, I knew there was something holding me back from Him. I was hanging onto something. It was creating a gap in my life. It had become a stronghold, and I didn't even realize it. I just knew what I had to do -- and I did it that night. Words... they were just words... I had said them to God before, and all I had to do was repeat them out loud to the right person. I had no idea that in doing so, I would be letting go of such a heavy chain. I dropped a burden that night which I was unaware I was even carrying.

God knew my heart. He knew I was hanging onto unnecessary baggage, and He wanted me to be free. He called me to do His will, and when I was obedient, He lifted my burden and made me feel more complete. I don't know anyone else who can do this.

1Kings 8:23 ..."O LORD, God of Israel, there is no God like you in heaven above or on earth below—you who keep your covenant of love with your servants who continue wholeheartedly in your way.

What's Next?

I left off with my last blog, asking myself this question.
As you know, if you read my previous blogging experience, I am and have been and continue to be in a period of waiting. I'm content with waiting, but I'm not content with being content. I know God has me where I am for a purpose -- far beyond what my earthly mind can conceive. And that was the idea behind my last blog, to conceive of even a portion of God's purpose and to perceive things the way He does during this time of my life.
Now I continue to struggle with the call to ministry and what should I do/where would God have me go next in order to serve Him? As my friend Meggan so gently put it, ever since she has known me I have constantly been seeking the next step from God. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking, as long as I remain patient and wait for God's timing. As I said, I am satisfied with waiting and being patient. But I feel that God has a different long-term purpose for my life than what I face now, and that is what I intend to seek and find. You may have to help me with this whole patience thing ;-) Yes, that means I am asking you yet again (and since you were so helpful the first go-round!) to be my accountability partner. I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this one, and it's probably not going to be a daily thing, but I do want to record my thoughts and experiences with God -- So be prepared to read a lot of confused ramblings of a heart that is struggling to be patient and faithful, yet earnestly seeking to find and respond to the call of God on her life.

So what's next? I don't know. But these verses are my life verses during this time of seeking(you'll probably recognize them as general themes from my last blog attempt), and I pray that God will not let my spirit sleep nor neglect His word and His call...

Acts 26:16
Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you.

Ephesians 6:13
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

I'm standing up. I'll attempt patience, but I'm not waiting. I'm going to pursue God -- this is my commitment. And when I have done everything I can do to seek His will and purpose for me, then I will continue to wait on Him, and to stand, strong and in His power.

And my plan of action, simple (but not so much as it seems):
Psalm 119:15-16
I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.
I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word.